Now I’m not going to take credit for writing this whole comic strip. I sent out a mass message to my friends saying “if all men were honest with women what would they say. Think about dumb stuff your Ex has asked you and you told a white or little lie. Make it as hurtful as possible.” I got back a few of them that were good but not as classic as these right here.

On the honesty thing, don’t ever be 100% honest with anyone in your life. Not ever your mother. Honesty can sometimes hurt.
Question: “Do you think I’m fat or getting fat?”
Answer: You should either lie or run like hell.

It’s a trap, don’t fall for it. I’m not saying if someone asked me if they were fat I would lie. I would just not answer the question directly. The ole Bait and Switch.
Question: “Why didn’t you return my call?”
Answer: “Did you see [insert popular show] last night? That [insert Character from show in previous statement] is an asshole.” See she will be confused and not knowing what to do, she sees the delicious fish sandwich and coke you have left out in front of here. Omp! Gotcha!

Don’t lie about big things, just withhold information.

Question: “What you do last night?”
Answer: “I hung out with a few friends.”
Question: “Like?”
Answer: “Well, just Steve, and me but he brought some people who were pretty cool.” It’s a good thing you didn’t tell her about the other people being two other girls. Sure, you made out with one of them, but you do feel bad about it so you won’t call said girl until next week for a “Jump off”
Just like President Bush or any other political figure taught me.
Dance puppets dance, while I SLAM EVIL!

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